The Rant: Breathe-Eating

Never mind, the rant begins now. I just want all of you to know that I had every intention of going to sleep, but then I began to fume, and I just knew that I had to write it down.

I encourage all of you to tell me if I’m weird or crazy or whatever, but, I don’t breathe when I eat. Whenever I’m eating, and whatever I’m eating, I hold my breath, take a small enough bite/slurp/whatever so that I don’t look like a slob, and then once I have swallowed, I take another breath. Is this weird? Probably. But I’ll tell you one thing: I don’t sound like a train trying to make its way up a hill.

Most of my family breathes when they eat. To demonstrate, it’s something along the lines of: “snsnnnnnn *chew* *chew* *chew* snnnnsnsnsnsnsnnsn”, rinse and repeat. I had a friend once (and only once ;P), whose dad breathed when he ate, too. I don’t know what it is, but it literally makes my blood boil! I cannot stand the sound of  breathing noisily while eating. If you’re one of those people who breathes silently, then that’s fine, but I’m sure you all remember some moment when you would be sitting at the table, eating, and some other person comes and sits down, but they have a cold. And then the breathing through one nostril begins, and they’re trying to eat, and “LOOK HONEY, YOU CAN HEAR THAT TRAIN TRYING TO GO UP THE MOUNTAIN AGAIN.”

Maybe this is how serial killers get their start, but I take pride in the fact that I eat silently, and I intend to train my potential children to do that, too.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s